Friendships First, Business (Maybe) Second
Why real connection beats transactional relationships every time
The other day I ran into a good friend, someone I know through our kids’ sports. We’ve been friends for a while, but we’ve never talked about work or tried to do business together.
We ended up grabbing lunch. And because we already knew each other, we skipped the small talk and got straight to the good stuff. I left thinking: Damn, I wish all my meetings were like that.
No BS. No posturing. No awkward dance about money or value or “what’s in it for me.” Just two people catching up, helping each other, and knowing we’ll see each other again soon. It felt natural, like how relationships should feel.
Too often, business starts too formal. You meet in sterile rooms or Zoom calls, with stiff intros and polite smiles. It becomes transactional. “I’ll do this if you do that.” And if that’s all there is? There’s no real connection, just two people using each other to get something done.
Now, I’m not saying every friendship should lead to business. Most probably shouldn’t. But when it does work out that way, it’s magic. You care more. You work harder. You don’t want to let your friend down, so you don’t cut corners.
That said, sometimes it does go the other way. A business relationship becomes a friendship. Those are great too. When you spend months (or years) working closely with someone and solving hard problems, going through the ups and downs, you build trust. And trust is the foundation of any real friendship. Those relationships often start slow, but they’re forged in the fire. And they last. Some of best friends are from times of my past where I worked hard together with them.
So here’s the question:
How many people do you work with that you’d actually call a friend?
I don’t mean someone you grab coffee with once a year. I mean a real friend. Someone you trust. Someone you share a goal with. Someone you’d grind with AND enjoy the process.
Those connections don’t happen through cold emails or networking events. They show up in the random moments like on the sidelines of a soccer game, at the gym, church, over a casual coffee, work colleagues, the list can go on.
You can’t force it. You can’t say, “Let’s be friends… and also do business!” That’s how it starts to feel scammy or transactional again, unless it comes from a genuine place of wanting to help.
So the next time you hire someone, or partner with someone, or even think about bringing someone onto your team, ask yourself:
Can I spend hours with this person, enjoy it, and still get shit done together?
If the answer’s yes, then keep going. You’ve got something real.
That’s where the good stuff starts.